It was a very strange day for me. Things felt out of balance. I had this feeling that there was something I should be doing but I didn't know what. I ended up having a girl's night with Rachel and my friend Heather. Heather lost her grandmother 3 years ago on June 28th, which also was her grandmother's birthday. So we drank some wine and watched a movie and talked and laughed and took silly pictures. I'm sure our family members that have gone before us would be happy to see us enjoying ourselves. But I still feel unsettled.
What am I supposed to do to honor your memory, Dad? Especially when, on one hand, I don't feel like you're really gone, and on the other hand it feels like you've been gone longer than 3 months. I'm the one who's caught in this limbo of grief. I want to remember everything, even the horrible, frightening times in the hospital. Memories are some of the only things I have left and I'm grasping for every one I can get.
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