3 Months

June 27th marked 3 months since Dad died. Yesterday, June 28th, was his birthday. He would have been 54 years old.

It was a very strange day for me. Things felt out of balance. I had this feeling that there was something I should be doing but I didn't know what. I ended up having a girl's night with Rachel and my friend Heather. Heather lost her grandmother 3 years ago on June 28th, which also was her grandmother's birthday. So we drank some wine and watched a movie and talked and laughed and took silly pictures. I'm sure our family members that have gone before us would be happy to see us enjoying ourselves. But I still feel unsettled.

What am I supposed to do to honor your memory, Dad? Especially when, on one hand, I don't feel like you're really gone, and on the other hand it feels like you've been gone longer than 3 months. I'm the one who's caught in this limbo of grief. I want to remember everything, even the horrible, frightening times in the hospital. Memories are some of the only things I have left and I'm grasping for every one I can get.

Oh 2011, You Can Just Go...

Alright, so, it hasn't been the greatest year for me. While graduating college and doing the Camino de Santiago were great accomplishments and life-changing, this year has all previous years beat. My Dad is no longer here. He was battling melanoma for who knows how long, and on March 27th he lost. And I lost him for the rest of my life on earth.


However, I actually did not set out to just post a random, depressing vent session. I have been thinking more recently about things I enjoy and skills/interests I would like to develope. Artistic things have been on my mind like drawing and especially photography. But also writing. I enjoy writing. I have been told once or twice that I'm good at it. One space where I can write freely (and randomly, hinthint) is this blog. So, once again, I'm going to try blogging. We'll see if I post more than 2 things this year.

2011, you can just go... get creative!