3 Months

June 27th marked 3 months since Dad died. Yesterday, June 28th, was his birthday. He would have been 54 years old.

It was a very strange day for me. Things felt out of balance. I had this feeling that there was something I should be doing but I didn't know what. I ended up having a girl's night with Rachel and my friend Heather. Heather lost her grandmother 3 years ago on June 28th, which also was her grandmother's birthday. So we drank some wine and watched a movie and talked and laughed and took silly pictures. I'm sure our family members that have gone before us would be happy to see us enjoying ourselves. But I still feel unsettled.

What am I supposed to do to honor your memory, Dad? Especially when, on one hand, I don't feel like you're really gone, and on the other hand it feels like you've been gone longer than 3 months. I'm the one who's caught in this limbo of grief. I want to remember everything, even the horrible, frightening times in the hospital. Memories are some of the only things I have left and I'm grasping for every one I can get.

Oh 2011, You Can Just Go...

Alright, so, it hasn't been the greatest year for me. While graduating college and doing the Camino de Santiago were great accomplishments and life-changing, this year has all previous years beat. My Dad is no longer here. He was battling melanoma for who knows how long, and on March 27th he lost. And I lost him for the rest of my life on earth.


However, I actually did not set out to just post a random, depressing vent session. I have been thinking more recently about things I enjoy and skills/interests I would like to develope. Artistic things have been on my mind like drawing and especially photography. But also writing. I enjoy writing. I have been told once or twice that I'm good at it. One space where I can write freely (and randomly, hinthint) is this blog. So, once again, I'm going to try blogging. We'll see if I post more than 2 things this year.

2011, you can just go... get creative!

If it's so easy, why don't more people do it?

At the Capitol, there are metal detectors at every entrance. You have to walk through them to get into the building. There are people who monitor the metal detectors. Whenever I go through a metal detector at the Capitol, I say "Thank you" to the monitor. It's really easy, it only takes a second, and I imagine the monitor appreciates it even though they would have helped me anyway. The thing is, I don't hear very many other people saying thank you. They're in a hurry to get to work or maybe they just don't say it because it is the monitor's job. True, it's not necessary. But isn't it nice? Isn't it good? Isn't it right? One thing it definitely is, is easy. So next time someone helps you, even if it's their job, just say a quick "Thanks".

The Only Constant Is...

Change.

Looking back on my blog after many, many months of neglect has made me realize that a lot of new things have happened in about a year. It is ironic that my last real post was about being single because a month after that I started dating a wonderful man who is still a huge part of my life.

So, Change #1: Not Single!
The culprit: Ulric; carpenter by day, asleep by night. I'm sure you'll read some anecdotes involving the man so keep your eyes out for that!

Change #2: New Job!
Location: State Capitol Building. Turns out, I love the building. I didn't think I'd be good at public speaking (which is part of the job) but, turns out, I'm not too bad.

Change #3: New Pet!
Name: Artemis. Species: Feline. She's a beautiful orange rescue kitty and makes me crazy because she's just so soft!

Those are the most significant things that have happened to me over the past year, and all are changes for the better!

I'm Back!

Ok, after a year of silence I feel the need to write again. Here I am!

Singledom

Jason: So you're back on the market then?
Becky: The Meat Market!
Me: Ugh.

Singledom, Singleness, Singlehood. It's funny how people treat this part of our lives. Many people treat Singleness like the plague-- they want to avoid it at all costs. We're all striving to find somebody and we're not content until that void is filled, even just temporarily. Do you know what I mean? We can have great relationships with family and the most supportive friends, we can go out all the time and have full social calendars, and still feel unfulfilled. What is it that compells us into romantic relationships? I've often wondered this even when I'm in the middle of a relationship myself, and perfectly happy. When I'm dating someone, why do I always think about them and want to spend all of my time with them, why do I chose this person over my best friends? My first impulse is to answer "because I'm crazy," but I really don't think that's it (at least not all of it). I think most people act this way when they are in a dating relationship. In fact, the emotions of love, lust, and infatuation are known to inhibit the rational decision making parts of the brain (so it's not just me!). And if there are any guys reading this, don't just chalk it up to me being female, I know plenty of guys who would rather be in a relationship than single-- in fact, I'm having a hard time thinking of any guys I know who would choose a life of bachelorhood. So it's not just the ladies who want "someone special."

Now, I don't personally believe in "the one" theory. In fact, it really bothers me. I don't think there's one particular person meant just for me and all I have to do is find them. Although if that were the case, I guess it would explain the high divorce rate. I mean, how easy would it be to find that one person? Not very. There are more than 6 billion people on this planet! Even if I narrow it down to just California, that's 35 million people or so that I have to sort through. And what if he gets tired of looking and settles for someone who just happens to be around? Lame for all 3 of us, right?! Nope, I don't like "the one" theory. I like to think of love as more of a choice, rather than destiny. I choose the people I date and I choose who I'm going to marry. I choose to stop looking for some other potential and choose devotion and loyalty instead. Does that sound unromantic? Maybe. But to me, it sounds lasting, and I think a love that lasts is very romantic.

If you have any theories on why we all strive to be in a romantic relationship, I'd love to hear them. I have some of my own so perhaps I'll share those another time. xoxo, Alison

New Friends

Wow! I am really getting bad at this blogging thing. Micro-blogging is taking over my life! But anyway, if you haven't stopped checking my blog for updates, I'd like to share something fabulous with you. My friend, Brad, introduced me to this family and I think they are simply hilarious. Meet The Fuplers!